The Power of ‘No’: Healthy Boundaries as a Shield from Toxicity

Posted on March 25, 2024  •  4 minutes  • 771 words

You must understand this, that in the last days distressing times will come. For people be lovers of themselves, lover of money, boasters, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, brutes, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the outward form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid them! For among them are those who make their way into households and captivate silly women, overwhelmed by their sins and swayed by all kinds of desires, who are always being instructed and can never arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 3:1-7

    This Scripture has a lot going on in it. Lots of bad stuff, and a pretty explicit vision of how people will act during end times. I love the line about “silly women,” not sure what makes them silly but there they are.

But What About the End Times?

    I know people have lots of different beliefs about when the end times are coming, and it is generally understood that Paul (the traditionally ascribed author of these letters) thought that end times were coming very soon. I choose to not worry about signs of end times (“But about that day or hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven nor the Son, but only the Father.” Mark 13:32). People are capable of this kind of terrible behavior any time, and history shows us plenty of examples of people treating each other awfully.

    Once again, this Scripture reminds us not to let the icky stuff in. To keep ourselves and our loved ones and our lives free from all the nasty stuff - and there’s a lot! That list is amazingly comprehensive. I especially like that we’re reminded that a lot of people are “holding the outward form of godliness but denying its power” - ie, they don’t actually believe what they say they believe. They claim everyone should follow Jesus in certain ways, but they don’t live up to that standard. The instructions here are pretty simple and straightforward - avoid them!

    It’s never quite that easy, though, is it? As moms, we’re busy and we’re worried about what influences are coming into our kids’ lives. We may have relationships with friends, in our church, or even in our families, where we see this kind of behavior. Let’s go ahead and use our modern umbrella term - it’s toxic. Relationships are complex, though, and it’s not always easy to just say, “I’m done with you.” Maybe it’s your own parent(s), and you’re realizing that the way you were raised and the actions of your parents were not only “not okay,” but actively harmful. Or maybe there’s someone in your friend group or Bible study who is what my husband likes to call a “spiritual vampire” - they suck the life out of everything.

No is a loving and healthy tool

    It can be so hard, or depending on the circumstances even impossible, to cut those toxic people out of your life. It may look more like you setting firm boundaries, but still maintaining a relationship. That requires work and effort and time and thought and presence, and moms are already pressed for those things to begin with!

What if I change my Mind?

    Remember that, as is often the case, the advice is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s okay if you decide you’re too overwhelmed to make big decisions, and you put the decision off until a later date. It’s also okay to jump in because you know that if you don’t set the boundary now, you never will. It’s okay to go back and change your mind. You are busy, you have a lot on your plate, and it’s okay to do whatever is easiest and best for you.

    I pray if you’re navigating these kinds of hard choices, that you have a support system to help you navigate your way through. Remember God wants a good and abundant life for you, so whatever brings you that - do it.