God, Tantrums, and the Messy Business of Motherhood

Posted on March 18, 2024  •  3 minutes  • 560 words

When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant; I was like a brute beast toward you. Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand..
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me with Honor.

Psalm 73:21-24

    There are times in motherhood when it feels less like you’re raising a young human and more like you’re corralling a small animal. They are messy, loud, eat a great deal (but somehow never want what you made), and when they are overwhelmed or tired, there can be a lot of screaming. Things that seem small to us, like asking kids to get their shoes or finish their chores, often result in BIG feelings. This can result in tantrums of all kinds. For younger kids, maybe kicking, hitting, and screaming. For older kids, maybe slamming doors and “I HATE YOU"s. So fun.

    Ideally, we as moms respond to this behavior with calm rationality. We acknowledge feelings but collaborate with our kids to help them work through their emotions - and still accomplish whatever it is that we need them to do. Realistically, there usually comes a point (often after this child has been reminded to do this thing MANY times), where we get impatient. We snap, yell, make demands, threaten to take away privileges - and it all just breaks down from there.

    One of my former bosses often compared God to a perfect parent. Someone who is always patient, loving, and kind. Who never gets frustrated with our nonsense, who is always willing to give us guidance.

    This brief verse from Psalms illustrates this relationship so well. When we are feeling bitter or angry, when we are being stupid or ignorant, we act like brutes or beasts. Just like our kids throw tantrums, we do the same - whether it is physical, emotional, or mental. Sometimes we feel like it’s all just too much, so we rail against the world and against God.

    God, being perfect, responds not with anger, frustration, or screaming back, but as a perfect parent would - God holds our hands, guides us with counsel, and then receives us with honor.

    We, of course, are imperfect. The fact is, sometimes we’re going to snap or yell or ground our kids. When they are acting like brutes or beasts at any age, the temptation to respond in kind is immense.

    This verse reminds us to take the example of our God, to do our best to treat our children with honor and dignity, even when they are being undignified. To guide them, be with them, and hold their hands (literally or metaphorically) as they walk through their hard emotions. And when we are the ones having big feelings, when we are feeling prickly and bitter, to turn to our God who is always there. Who treats us with honor and love no matter how we feel. Who welcomes our feelings and holds our hands.

Prayer:

God, thank you for being a perfect example of parenthood. Guide us with your counsel when we are struggling. Thank you for being present with us when we are lashing out. Thank you for accepting us, imperfect as we are. Remind us that you are always with us, always holding our hand, and walking us through our hard times. Amen.